This Christmas season, Cassie Rodgers will be surrounded by family and friends. There will be gifts, tree-trimming and a trip to midnight Mass. There will also be a major void and coping with grief.
Cassie, who works as an Automation/Enablement Specialist in Supply Chain Management for OSF HealthCare lost her son on Christmas Eve in 2011.
Charley Rodgers was a 26-year-old police officer, dog lover and enthusiastic outdoorsman who was generous with his time and active in everything from the Eagle Scouts to Habitat for Humanity and Big Brothers Big Sisters.
Charley, who as a Type-1 diabetic struggled with insulin issues, was patrolling for the Glasford Police Department on Christmas Eve when he died. The holiday – and life in general – would be forever changed for Cassie and her family, who will always miss his laugh, his silly pranks, and his devotion to serving his community.
“They say you deal with (a loved one’s loss) day to day – sometimes it’s breath to breath,” Cassie said. “In the early days, it’s so intense and you don’t know how to move forward. You don’t ever get over it, but you learn how to manage the pain a little better.”
Coping with Grief by Honoring Charley’s Spirit
The holiday season can lose its celebratory nature for those who have lost loved ones, but there are ways that those who are grieving can get themselves through.
Cassie and her family are coping with grief by honoring Charley’s spirit in ways that he would appreciate, from attending midnight Mass at the church he attended to trimming the tree with ornaments collected throughout Charley’s life.
As her two children were growing up, Cassie would purchase Charley and his sister, Carlye, two annual Christmas ornaments – one with a brother/sister theme and one to represent a significant event in their lives that year.
She continues to buy yearly ornaments for Charley, observing milestones he would have marked. Trimming the tree for Cassie and her daughter has become an emotional yet therapeutic time for them as they sift through the cherished memories of Charley’s life.
Cassie says while family has been her biggest source of strength, she also gives herself permission to be alone. The advice she would give to others who are coping with grief is, simply, “Be kind to yourself.”
“Whatever feels right to you is the right thing to do,” she said. “If you want to be alone, be alone. If you want to be with family, be with family. There’s no book on how you’re supposed to do this. It’s different for everyone.”
“He’s Still With Me”
Christmas isn’t the only time Cassie celebrates her son’s memory. She makes regular visits to a tree that was planted in his name at Iowa Wesleyan College, his alma mater. She has donated funds for a Boy Scouts outreach program so inner-city youth can attend wilderness outings.
She continues to be a supporter of Charley’s law enforcement colleagues, bringing in treats on his birthday and participating in events such as the Walk to Remember, a fundraiser for the families of fallen police officers. Her porch light bulbs are always blue, a nod to Project Blue Light Illinois, which also honors fallen officers.
Cassie especially appreciates when friends – or, sometimes, even strangers – share a happy memory with her.
“I’m not afraid to talk about Charley. He’s still with me, and he always will be,” she said. “I think about how much living he fit into his 26 years.… I’m not going to let his death define me; I’m going to let his life define me.”
Last Updated: November 5, 2018